


Within the Portal

by RandomWriting789



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, Guilt, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:21:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25342369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomWriting789/pseuds/RandomWriting789
Summary: Adora's soul is trapped within the portal instead of Queen Angella. Her body is still in Etheria but her soul is not. Catra deals with grief and guilt after she see's the impact of her actions. Light Hope reaches across the universe once more to try and save Adora to activate the heart.Portal works differently in this fic than in the show, it can trap a soul inside but the body is still outside. Also, there will be heavy emphasis on Catra in this story.
Relationships: Adora & Angella (She-Ra), Adora & Bow & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora & Light Hope (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 101





	1. She's gone

"Catra, please, DON'T'

It was the last thing Catra heard before she pulled the lever and the world went white. Suddenly, everything was back to normal. The others were knocked to the ground as Adora, not She Ra, fell limply out of the portal before it fell apart. Catra was knocked to the floor but she remained conscious unlike the others.

Adora was lying on the floor, her face was tilted to the side, Catra couldn't see it. " _of course"_ Catra assumed. _That stupid princess is knocked out just like her other weak friends._ Catra felt spiteful as she stared at the girl, she just had to go and save everyone again, she just had to keep being the hero. That girl was just stuck up and annoying, she didn't care for her, she used her, she was weak rebellion scum. She made her choice and she left her. Catra's blood was boiling at this point with all the hate she had for Adora, she glared at the girl.

It took Catra a moment to realize as she contemplated her hate. _Adora wasn't breathing._ She found herself waiting, checking to see if the girl would take a breath, only then did she notice Adora's pale skin. She found herself speaking "Adora?" It was meant to come out as a firm demand for Adora to respond, as if she was still a prisoner, but it instead came out as a tiny whimper. Catra was mad at showing that kind of vulnerability, but she was angrier at Adora for not responding. "Adora" she tried again, nothing.

Catra found herself holding onto her hate as a lump built up in her throat. She slowly inched towards Adora. Once she was close enough, she reached out and poked Adora on the shoulder in an attempt to rouse her. The only movement she made was from Catra's push. It was then that Catra realized something. Adora was cold, she was freezing. Catra was slightly panicked, she pushed it down

"Enough, Adora, get up, i'm taking you back to the cells" Adora still didn't move, Catra managed to sit up despite the pain. She re-ignited her hatred. "Get up!" she ordered as she turned Adora over. Her eyes widened.

Adora's face was pale, her eyes were closed over, she looked as if she was asleep. Catra found herself waiting for a sign of life, for the girl's chest to rise and fall, for her to open her eyes. Nothing came. Catra's anger had diminished, all she cared about was what had happened to Adora, her best friend. Catra slowly reached out and searched Adora for a pulse, she felt nothing but cold. Tears built up in her eyes as she refused to accept it. _she's just knocked out_ Catra told herself as her breathing became heavier _Her pulse is probably weaker right now._

Catra slowly held Adora's limp body, constantly telling herself that Adora was fine despite the fact that she clearly wasn't. She lifted the girl into her arms and pressed her ear to her chest, waiting, for any noise. Nothing came. 'No' Catra whispered. the confirmation hit her like a truck. Adora was dead, she'd been dead the entire time, she was already gone when she fell out of the portal. The portal that Catra had opened.

She shook the girl, still hoping for a chance. "Adora...wake up" she choked out. Adora's lips were parted, she looked so peaceful, she looked content, as if she had left all her worries behind. Catra hated it. ''Adora'' Catra was sobbing now ''please come back''. She refused to believe it, her body shook as she held Adora closer, crying into her shoulder. She kept on sobbing and clinging to the body repeating the word 'no' as she cried.

It was all her fault, she remembered all the things Adora had said to her. How hard she tried to talk to her, to convince her. Catra pushed her away each time,she lashed out each time, she hurt her each time, and now she was gone. After all that, she was just gone. Why didn't she do something when Adora was still there, why did she keep lashing out. 

Catra felt a massive pain in her chest as she realized that these were Adora's final memories of her, they were the last thing she saw in this world before she left it. She saw Catra pull the lever, she saw Catra as her enemy, she saw Catra as a villain, she saw Catra as her killer. ''I'm sorry'' Catra found herself crying into Adora's chest ''i'm so sorry''

Catra's sobbing never stopped as she cradled the limp body, her grief kept building up. She slowly lifted her head, taking a glance at Adora's beautiful, lifeless face. She raised her head up to the ceiling.

And Catra screamed

She screamed and shook the entire Fright Zone to its core. She shrieked to awaken the people who had failed Adora. She wailed in order to let out her pain. She cried out so loudly that it would reach the heavens and bring Adora back down.

Her screams were a full embodiment of her guilt, pain, and most of all, her grief. She had won, she wanted the world to end rather then let Adora win and Adora had made it easier for her. The world was still here, but Adora was gone. The screams died down as Catra lost all strength in her body. She lay on the floor, still clinging onto Adora, still crying into her shoulder, still wishing for her to wake up.

The other people began to stir as Queen Angella broke into the room, Hordak immediately retreated into the shadows. She didn't notice Adora's dead body underneath Catra's shaking one

''Glimmer, Bow'' She attempted to awaken the two of them. ''Hi mom'' Glimmer answered drowsily, Angella hugged her ''Where's Adora?'' Bow questioned

''I'm so sorry love, she gave up her soul, to close the portal, she wanted me to tell you-'' Angella paused, she heard a loud sob somewhere in the room

Catra was dimly aware of what was going on, the rebellion queen had shown up and was picking up Adora's stupid friends. Catra paid no heed to them, all she could think of was Adora until she heard those words. ''she gave up her soul, to close the portal'' Adora gave herself up, willingly, to put an end to what Catra did. She sacrificed herself to fix Catra's mistake. She had to choose to die because of Catra. She sobbed louder after learning that.

Within a second she could hear Glimmer punching her, kicking her, trying to wrestle Adora away from her. Catra didn't care, she'd willingly take all the abuse in the world the let Adora go right now. She kept on clinging to the body as Glimmer burst into tears. ''you monster! You just had to pull the lever! You had to kill her!'' Glimmer threw all her anger out as Catra simply held on to Adora's lifeless body, refusing to give up. ''And then you have the audacity to hold her! As if she meant something to you?!' She kicked Catra in the jaw. Hard enough to fling her across the room, enough for Glimmer to pry Adora out of her arms.

Catra tried getting up to grab Adora again but Bow shot her down with a tranquilizer dart. he'd probably picked it up in the waste. She blacked out as she saw the two crying over Adora's dead body. 


	2. Here in Spirit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora wakes up inside the portal and tries to figure out what is going on.  
> This chapter will basically set up the rules of the portal world.

Cold. That's all Adroa could feel right now, she was freezing. How did she end up here? She was supposed to be dead. She should be gone, she'd given up her soul. Where was she? She could feel a smooth surface underneath her hands, she didn't want to get up, she just wanted to lie here forever.

She slowly opened her eyes and was shocked to see that she was lying in the dirt outside the Fright Zone's main building. This stuff was usually so rough that she and Catra would scrape their knees on it all the time. She was even more confused when she saw that her hands were going through it, yet they left no prints. She looked up to the sky and she couldn't believe it

_Stars_

Thousands of shining bright lights from distant worlds now decorated Etheria's skies. She could see the individual formations that created the language of the First Ones. It was so beautiful, it was bringing life to the sky. _But that's impossible_ Adora was dragged back down to reality as she remembered. _The stars were taken away by Mara ages ago._

 _Wait,c_ if she was in the Fright Zone, then her other friends must be here too! She tried to collect herself and go to Hordak's sanctum immediately. She couldn't run properly, it was like trying to walk through water. She felt light as a feather but slow as a snail. It was as if gravity itself had weakened. At one point she could't control her movement and was falling straight at a wall. She braced herself for impact, but nothing came. She had phased through the walls themselves. _Ok, something is definitely wrong._

She decided not to think about it as she reached the room. She immediately went to check on Bow and Glimmer, feeling relief wash over her as she saw that they were fine. She turned her eyes to the portal, to see if it was really gone, she was shocked. It was her. She was lying on the floor, with her head tilted to the side. She ran towards this other her.

Her skin was pale, her lips were parted, her eyes were closed over. Adora went even colder when she realized, this other her, was dead. Her memory jogged. She'd given up her soul. Her soul was here, but her body was back in the real Etheria. Her hands phased through the body as she made fruitless efforts to return to it.

Adora was shaken from her thoughts as she heard a voice. A faint whimper, ''Adora?'' She looked around to see Catra lying on the floor, glaring at her dead body. Adora felt anger at the girl, she was she reason she was here and now she of all people gets to be mad? Adora suddenly stopped as she remembered who she was thinking of. No matter what happened, her heart wouldn't let her be truly mad at Catra.

She waited for Catra to get up and end her, to get rid of her for good. She readied herself for the mental pain as Catra inched closer. She didn't want to see the hatred in Catra's eyes anymore, she didn't want to see one of the people she loved most strike her down. After all that time, that look of hate still really hurt. She didn't expect Catra to still try and wake her up, to still search her for a pulse. _What is she playing at?_ Adora thought _Isn't this what she wanted?_

She was shocked as Catra held her lifeless body in her arms. Listening for a pulse, it got even worse when she realized Catra was crying. Adora recognized what she was feeling, she could see it in her eyes. Worry, guilt, regret. Catra was scared. _After all that time,_ Adora thought _she still cared_ _for me?_ She wouldn't. She'd never do that, she made it clear that she hated Adora, so why was she crying now?

She could see the realization in Catra's face. Her eyes were wide, the pupils were pinpricks, she was breathing heavily, panicking. Adora ached to comfort her,even after all she did. She felt more pain as Catra broke down into sobs, begging her to come back, repeating the word ''no''. She placed a hand on Catra's shoulder even though she knew she couldn't feel it. She could see the heartbreak build up in Catra's eyes as she continued to sob, begging for Adora to return

That's when Adora heard it. Words she thought Catra would never say to anybody, ever. ''I'm sorry, i'm so sorry'' Now it was Adora's turn to stare, wide eyed at her former friend. She was _sorry?_ She'd never seen Catra break like this before, she'd never seen her apologize. She finally understood it, after all that, Catra still loved her too. She wanted to win against her but she never wanted her to _die_ and now that Adora was gone, Catra had finally seen the consequences of her actions. Adora was forced to keep watching as Catra broke down more. She had a small pain in her heart, she wanted to be with Catra again

She felt an insane amount of pain when Catra raised her head and began to cry out, completely engulfed in her grief, tears flowing down her face. Without thinking, she hugged her, her hands partially phased through,, she kept whispering kind words to her, even though Catra couldn't hear. Sitting on the floor, holding her grieving best friend, there for her in spirit. 

Catra's screams eventually died down as she fell to the floor, Adora didn't know how much more crying she could mentally take. She lay next to Catra, for awhile, she only saw the two of them in this world. 

She looked away as Queen Angella flew in and gave Bow and Glimmer the news. She closed her eyes as she saw Glimmer take Catra down and pry the dead body away from her. She slowly walked out of the Fright Zone, unable to watch. Bow and Glimmer would grieve, but they had eachother, and the rebellion would still survive with her gone. Right now, the only person Adora could focus on was Catra, she had to find another way to come back. 

She headed to the only place she thought she could go to, the Crystal Castle. Light hope had mentioned being able to connect to her across the universe before, maybe she could see her now. It was worth a shot

''Light Hope?'' She yelled as soon as she phased through the walls. To her surprise, Light Hope popped up ''Hello, Adora, what is you query'' she acted as if nothing had happened ''i'm kinda in a portal right now'' Adora explained, Light Hope paused. ''Yes, i can see that, i am reaching further across the universe to connect with you right now, what is your query?'' Adora gave a determined look ''Light Hope, you reached across the universe to connect with me before, can you tell me how to come back?'' 

''Affirmative'' Light Hope answered ''You are trapped in a world between two worlds, you can see segments of both worlds in here, however you have no true influence over either of them. This is why you may be able to be on Etheria, but see stars, forces may also work differently in this world'' 

''Yeah, i know that, but how do i get out?'' Adora questioned

Light Hope paused, as if she was in deep thought ''You must balance the planet, that way i may be able to open a gateway, and allow your soul to travel back to your body on Etheria'' She paused again ''This will however render me useless for the next few weeks as i have to gather my power together again to fulfill my purpose''

''What purpose?'' Adora found herself asking

''You must balance the planet'' Light Hope repeated ''you have small influence over this world, but you can still perform tiny acts, it is possible that you may be able to communicate with the world with the necessary equipment'' Adora was overjoyed.

''Ok, so i need to influence this world to get my friends to balance the planet, and then i can come back?'' It was too good to be true, she still had a chance!

''Affirmative'' Light Hope answered

Adora left the castle and made her way to Bright Moon, she had to get through to her friends.


	3. Chapter 3

Adora was laying in an open casket, close to a powerful energy source. Her pale skin, not having changed since the incident

Angella came to her every day, she had refused to bury Adora or hold a memorial. She was working with the energy source as Glimmer walked in.

''Mom, it's been a week'' she sniffled ''you still haven't told me why you're doing this.'' Angella looked solemnly at her daughter. Bow and Glimmer were the only other people allowed to visit Adora, both had different ways of coping and both were completely grief stricken. ''Glimmer'' she looked at the girl ''I spoke to Adora before she... before everything happened. She explained to me how she'd be trapped, not gone. I can't explain it, but i can feel that Adora is still with us. Look at her, Glimmer she hasn't changed since the incident, she hasn't decayed at all, her soul is still out there and it just needs to come back, i can feel it''

Both mother and daughter had tears in their eyes, Glimmer looked up at her ''do you really think she has a chance?'' Angella smiled at her ''I know what i saw, i have to believe'' She quickly changed the subject ''how have the prisoners been?''

Glimmer's face became more serious ''Shadow Weaver and Scorpia seem calm, Scorpia has really seemed to take to this place, if she continues, we'll let her into the gardens with guards for good behavior, she doesn't seem to have her heart in the Horde, Perfuma talks to her all the time. And Catra, she...She won't eat or drink or speak much, she just stays in the corner of her cell, sulking, Bow has tried speaking to her, he shows up every day, but she doesn't seem to care for anything or herself'' Glimmer's tone shifted to one of sadness at the last part

''very well, commander Glimmer'' Angella nodded as Glimmer left the room.

* * *

The cell was just a massive sorcerer's spell encasing someone in a small environment. It glowed bright blue, giving the rest of the cold spare room an eerie feeling. 

Catra lay in it, wondering when death would finally take her. She didn't know how long it had been, her sense of time was gone, the only reason she knew how long it had been was because of her mealtimes. She wished more than anything that Adora was here, that Adora was talking to her, even if she was angry, Catra wished to hear her voice again. That's all she could think of sometimes, and in the quietest of times, she'd hear Adora talking to her too. She'd hear a voice in the dark, telling her that everything's gonna be okay. She'd cling onto Adora's words like a lifeline, even though it as all in her head.

She had nothing left. For the past two years, her heart was never in the horde, it was in her mission, it was in her goal, It was to finally take Adora down . And now that she was gone, Catra felt nothing but regret over it. She could've left, she had so many chances to just listen for once, she had a chance at a better life, with her best friend at her side, and she lost it. 

Arrow boy had been showing up each day to get info out of her. She didn't care, she just didn't wanna let up, she didn't want to give information to his stupid false pretenses. She just wanted to die

Bow felt tense as he brought the tray of food to Catra's cell. He'd shown up every day to try and reason with her, not to get information, but to understand her. Most of the time he talked about random things, whatever came to mind, he told jokes and tried to break the ice, Catra barely ever responded, but he kept trying

''Hey, Catra'' he waved over to the girl who was sitting on the floor of her cell, she didn't respond ''I managed to convince the kitchen staff to make this for you'' he pushed the smoking fish and water into Catra's cell. She looked at him for a second, and then looked away. ''Please try it'' He encouraged ''Trust me, real food is ten times better than what you expect'' He remembered when Adora had tried real food for the first time, she was so happy, tears welled up in his eyes at the memory. Catra begrudgingly took a bite. It was amazing, but she didn't care right now, she didn't want to feel happy at all, she didn't deserve this.

''Why do you keep doing this?'' Catra finally asked. Her own voice was alien to her, she hadn't used it in ages. It was rough, hoarse, as if she still hadn't stopped crying. ''Why do you have to be so nice to me?''

''Well, i believe everyone deserves kindness, even you, Catra'' Bow tried to keep the mood light

''Spare me the speech'' Catra commented ''you probably just want information, i'll give you all the details of Horde plans, i'll even give you Entrapta's location, i'll tell you everything you want to know, just don't keep up this stuff'' she snarled at the end

''Ok'' Bow sounded more serious now, Catra's words seemed to have done a number on him. ''You wanna know the real reason i come here?'' Catra nodded angrily she already knew why but she didn't want to be lied to more.

''I-it makes me feel closer to her'' 

Bow had said it quickly and quietly but Catra heard it, she retreated further into the corner, her heart felt heavier. Bow continued ''since she...went away I've been trying to fill this empty space in my heart. Weather it was going through old things, completing a task she wanted to finish or just keeping her memory around with everyone. It helps me cope'' he paused to look at Catra

''Sh-She loved you, a lot''

Catra's eyes went wide ''and i just thought that by talking to you, by making you feel better, by getting closer to you, it'd be like being closer to her, it'd be like getting to know a side of her that i wasn't a part of'' Bow had tears streaming down his face ''i'm sorry if i'm bothering you'' he finished as he walked away

''Wait!'' Catra reached out for him, even though she couldn't get past the spell. ''I- you wanna come back tomorrow?'' She couldn't get over what he said. Adora had loved her? Even after everything she had done? She needed to hear him out. ''I'll turn the information in tonight'' she finished, hoping to win him over. Bow smiled at her. ''sure'' he replied before walking back out.

Catra still felt an insane amount of emptiness in her heart, but maybe talking to this guy would give her some closure to how Adora was during their years apart. Oddly, getting to know him might make her feel better too

* * *

Adora sometimes wondered if her friends were the most dumb people around her.

Whenever she tried to give them a sign, they either looked the wrong way or didn't see it or just thought it was a coincidence. So far, the only person who she got through to was Angella, and it was just a small sign of writing ''DON'T'' in the sand on a flower bed near her own dead body. It was enough of a sign to convince Angella not to bury her but it still wasn't enough.

It had been a week since the incident and she was nowhere closer to telling them to connect Scorpia to the Black Garnet. Though, it wasn't all bad. When everyone was asleep and there was nothing she could do, she'd curl up next to Catra and talk to her. She was pretty sure Catra could hear her sometimes, and she felt this constant urge to take care of the guilt-ridden girl. Either Catra genuinely believed it was her or she let herself believe it because every time Adora spoke, she would seem less miserable and more calm. It was as if she wanted the same as Adora, she just wanted to hold her best friend again and make up for lost time, to apologize for everything in the past two years, to just be together again.

Adora made a resolve to do that very thing the moment she got up, maybe she and Catra would stand a chance at taking back what they had once she was back. The thought kept Adora going throughout the loneliness of the portal world. 

And so, she lay there, again, holding on to Catra as she had been doing every night since the incident. Wishing she could just be there for her. She contemplated her next sign, though she was beginning to lose faith that anything would work.


	4. My Enemy, My Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bow and Glimmer head over to Beast Island for Entrapta. 
> 
> Adora manages to push over a small box containing a letter she wrote to Catra a month ago.

Bow searched Adora's room for what felt like the millionth time, looking at all the old stuff she kept, tearing up at the memories.

He'd looked through all the pictures she had, most were of her, him, and Glimmer together. Some were her and the other princesses or Swift Wind. One was of Catra. She looked slightly younger in the picture, it must've been taken awhile ago. Bow smiled at it sadly, she really did care for Catra, no matter what happened. And Catra was the one to pull the lever that killed her. He could hate her for what she did, but he didn't, Adora wouldn't want that and he wanted to make sure that he kept her memory alive. He placed down the photo, maybe he could show it to Catra later.

As he rummaged through, a small box fell. It was unlocked, even though he'd tried opening it before. Bow slowly opened the box. There was a sheet of paper inside of it, he recognized Adora's writing, it was a letter. Bow intended to read the whole thing, but as soon as he saw that it was addressed to Catra, he stopped. This wasn't his to read, he had to give it to her.

* * *

''You requested my presence, Force Captain?'' Glimmer stared down at Catra sternly, as if she didn't know her

''Yeah, i wanna hand in information from the Horde, including battle plans and Entrapta's location'' Catra replied calmly.

She described every small detail perfectly, explaining every plan that Hordak would fall back on, every weakness of the Fright Zone as well as Beast island. Glimmer seemed shocked the entire time, like she didn't expect Catra to just spill out all her secrets. Nonetheless, she took notes and would give them to her mother later. ''Why did you offer to tell me all this? Don't you love the Horde?'' Glimmer asked as Catra finished

''The only thing i really did love is gone, Sparkles, and it's my fault. So i might as well spend the rest of my time being useful to her people'' Catra replied as if she'd been thinking about this for a long time. Glimmer felt bad for a second, she knew Catra as the confident and evil Horde Captain, she never thought she'd break like this. She quickly collected herself ''Do you have any queries, or shall i leave?''She asked Catra

Catra looked up at her as if she was in deep thought, it was the fist time she'd made eye contact with Glimmer during the whole exchange. ''Yeah, Arrow Boy came in the other day, he told me Ad- she didn't think of me as an enemy'' Glimmer was completely shocked _this_ was her question? ''I just wanna know if that was true....'' Catra finished. Glimmer let her guard down

''Yes, Catra, she saw you as contrary to the enemy she saw you as a friend. She cared about you more than you knew'' Her voice slowly lost its sternness ''She never let us fight you in case we'd hurt you badly, she'd always opt to go after you herself. She always tried to see you as a friend who was just confused, she defended you in alliance meetings, saying you were good at heart'' Tears welled up in Glimmer's eyes.

Catra looked away while she talked, she couldn't take it, she didn't want to look at anyone. After all this time, Adora had loved her, Adora had cared for her, Adora had defended her in front of her shiny new friends, even though she wasn't there. Even though she wanted nothing more than to get rid of her. She missed Adora so much, she missed her smile, her hopeful face, the small love for her she could see in her eyes. She'd do anything to make things right. She was knocked away from her feelings as she heard Glimmer cry

''I spent nights talking to her, telling her things were gonna be okay. She spent so much time crying over you. She'd wake up at midnight and reach out for you, she'd miss you, she'd want to see you. _She Loved You.''_ Glimmer's anger had the better of her ''And now, when she's gone, when you killed her, is when you think to ask if she cared to begin with'' She finished coldly and walked out.

Catra felt as if she'd been slapped in the face. Hearing everything Glimmer said was like getting punched over and over again, each more painful than the last. Knowing that Adora cared that much, after all she did, it made her want to rip herself apart. It really got her to think, what had Adora done other than care for her? She used to think of it as her just playing the hero, but the more she heard, the more she realized that Adora didn't see her as someone who needed to be saved, she saw her as a friend. As someone she loved. And that idea broke Catra completely.

How had she let it come to this? She could still remember them chasing eachother around the Fright Zone, still hear them laughing about all the random things they did. She remembered when the only thing they cared about was eachother and their friendship, and Adora never stopped believing in that, but she did. She killed the person who she loved the most. She went from being comforted by her as a child, to cradling the dead body of that same girl years later.

She didn't know how long she'd been thinking about this, but it was over 12 hours, Bow walked in to get her breakfast ''Hey, i've got some news'' He said as he passed the plate in. Catra didn't touch it

He sat on the floor ''Glimmer and i are leaving for Beast Island so we won't be able to talk that much'' Catra seemed indifferent, she already knew what she needed to from Glimmer's outburst, she didn't need to talk to him. ''I found some stuff in Adora's room yesterday. It was meant for you though i don't think she intended to give it. It's under the plate, you can pick it up if you want'' Bow smiled at her ''I gotta go now, but i'll make sure to tell you more when i get back'' Catra didn't respond, Bow walked out

She slowly inched towards it, wondering if she should look at what Bow had left or not. Eventually she mustered up the courage and moved the plate, there was a neatly folded piece of paper underneath it. Her hands shook as she unfolded it. It was a letter, she didn't know if she dared to read it. She took a small look at the date, it was last month, awhile before the whole...incident.

Eventually she decided she had to read it, she had to know.

_Dear Catra,_

_We're enemies now, it still feels very weird to write that, because i don't believe it._

''You should've'' Catra thought _Catra noticed_

_You're my best friend, Catra, you always were, you always will be, even when you're trying to kill me. I just want you to know, no matter what happens, i will never give up on you, i will always love you._

She'd heard Bow and Glimmer say it but seeing it written by Adora made her hurt even worse

_I miss you so much, i'm always gonna miss you. I'll miss our play-fights, i'll miss our games, i'll miss us sneaking around the Fright Zone, i just miss being around you._

''I miss you too, I wish you were here right now'' Catra said out loud without realizing it, she continued to read

_Whatever happens next, that's how i'll always remember you. The greatest friend i could've ever asked for when growing up in that place. I love you, Catra. I know you're my enemy, but you'll always be my best friend._

Catra noticed tear stains on the small letter. It looked like Adora wanted to write more but she decided not to.

'She shouldn't have believed in me, she shouldn't have seen any good, she should've given up a long time ago' she thought as she held the letter to her chest. 'She was always so hopeful, always thought i'd join if she just talked to me. She should've just let me go' Catra began to cry

She quietly whispered ''I love you too, Adora, I miss you''


	5. Here, There, and Nowhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bow and Glimmer rescue Micah and Entrapta from Beast Island and Entrapta immediately detects annomalies in her portal research.

_''You didn't have to do it......Why'd you do it?''_

_Catra heard the small voice echo around her, she stared around, searching for the source, there was nothing_

_''I am your friend, Catra, i'm always gonna be your friend''_

_She ran across the area, searching fruitlessly for its source. She realized where she was, the First Ones Temple, Adora had to be here too, she had to be._

_''Well, if you're missing dinner, then i am too''_

_Pain started to bubble up in her chest as she walked the halls of the temple, every word seemed to break her heart more and more. She had to find her, she knew she was getting closer._

_''Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have eachother''_

_Her senses were all on high alert, her ears were perked up as she listened in the eerie silence. There weren't any spiders here this time, there weren't any monsters, but she didn't feel grateful for it, those echoes did more damage to her then the defenses ever could._

_''I promise''_

_She could see the lights of the castle dim, she could feel the world around her malfunctioning, almost glitching, The echoes came to an abrupt stop. She could hear a faint grunt from the other room. She sprinted there like her life depended on it. Her eyes widened as she came to a scene all too familiar_

_Adora was clutching onto a small ledge at the cliff wall. Her palms were sweaty and her knuckles were white. Her breaths were ragged as she made fruitless attempts to hoist herself up. She stared up as she heard someone approach._

_''Catra'' she stated angrily as Catra stared down, her eyes filled with fear._

_Catra's throat felt tight as she looked down at the scene, only this time, the castle was out of energy, this time, if Adora fell, no one would save her. Adora looked stone cold, her usually bright blue eyes featured an anger Catra had never seen before. It was as if they were piercing onto her very soul. Catra didn't know what to say as she fell to her knees, she tried to reach out as Adora spoke again._

_''Why did you let me fall?'' It sounded less like a question and more like a demand, Catra's eyes were wide as she registered the words._

_''I-I didn't mean to, i thought you'd be okay, I'm sorry, I-'' Adora simply glared at her as she tried to articulate her words._

_''You promised me you'd look out for me, and you let me fall'' The rock Adora was holding onto began to crack, Catra threw herself onto the ground in an effort to reach her. It almost felt like the closer she got, the further Adora seemed._

_''Adora!'' She strained her arm to reach closer, but Adora kept going further away_

_Adora gave out a mirthless chuckle ''You always said you wanted me gone, that it was the best thing that ever happened to you''_

_Catra felt tears stream down her face as she was reminded of her own words ''Adora, i didn't mean it, please, i didn't mean it'' She almost begged as she practically threw herself lower to try and reach the girl._

_''I wonder what could've happened if i'd left you sooner'' Her fingers slipped, Catra realized what she was about to do._

_''Adora...Adora NO!'' She practically launched her arm forward to grab Adora's wrist as the rock finally gave out. Adora's steel blue glare remained as she tried to pull her back up._

_''What? You're gonna try to save me? What does it matter, Catra? I'm already gone'' Catra tugged again and again, but it was no use._

_''Please, i'm sorry, i was confused, i didn't know what i was doing, i didn't want to hurt you, Adora, please'' Catra poured her heart out in an effort to stir something in Adora, something that would save her._

_''But you did hurt me, you did so many times, and you're finally gonna get what you wanted'' Her wrist slipped from Catra's grasp as she fell back. Catra quickly grabbed her hand, their fingers intertwining._

_''I believed in you until the end, i believed that you could change, that you could stay. I hoped with all my heart that there was still good in you, and in the end, it's what got me killed'' She told Catra ruthlessly as her grip tightened_

_''ADORA!'' she cried out as the severity of the situation weighed in on her, she'd do anything right now, absolutely anything to make it up to her, to save her, to make her stay, to take back all the horrible things she did._

_''Catra, it's okay'' she mimicked the voice of her younger self, causing Catra to sob ''You win, and you've finally gotten rid of me''_

_But this isn't what she wanted, it was never what she wanted. She made one last attempt to pull Adora back up, her arm feeling like it was going to break in two._

_''Adora...please'' She pleaded as her hand began to slip. Adora kept her eyes locked on her as she let go and fell into the unforgiving abyss._

_''Bye, Catra''_

_''NO, NO NONONONONO NO, ADORA! ADORAAA!'' Catra couldn't repeat the word enough she perceived what happened. The world went dark, she knew for sure this time, she knew the castle couldn't save her, she knew Light Hope wasn't there, she didn't know how but she knew. This time, her actions had a consequence she couldn't comprehend, she could never fix things, Adora wouldn't be there to fight her again. Adora wouldn't magically survive like she always did. Adora was gone._

_Catra breathed heavily, she couldn't quite comprehend what she had seen. The castle had turned into a void, the thing it was created to serve was gone. Catra's vision was blurry from tears as she saw the only other thing stuck with her in the darkness._

_She saw Adora, laying on the floor, lifeless, cold, dead. ''NO'' she shrieked as she darted towards the body and pulled it into her arms. Adora had gone completely limp. her chest didn't rise and fall, Catra couldn't feel her heartbeat, she could see the stains of blood from where her body made contact with the ground, it broke her more and more._

_Adora was calm and content, as if she had accepted death with open arms instead of Catra. And now, when she finally gets to hold her, it's too late, she's gone and it's all Catra's fault._

_She broke down into a series of unintelligeble sobs, pulling her closer and crying into her, wishing for her to wake up.The image of Adora's face as she vanished into the abyss replaying into her mind. She was angry, betrayed, any love that lingered for Catra in her eyes was gone._

**_She didn't want this She didn't want this She didn't want this She didn't want this_ **

''ADORA!'' she cried into the cold, dark room.

It took her a moment to register where she was, and even longer for her to know it was just a dream. What did it matter though? It ended the same, Adora was gone, and she wasn't coming back. 

She stared down at the crumpled letter she had clutched to her chest, holding it close as she was painfully reminded of how Adora loved her until the very end. It was like this every time, whenever she felt almost a little hopeful, her past actions would drag her down into a depression again, and she deserved it. The one good thing in her life, the one person who unconditionally loved her, was never coming back.

She felt so stupid, everything that happened, the Horde, the Rebellion, the War, it seemed so insignificant to her now. It was like she never cared to begin with, she just latched on to it to do something she did care about. Proving her worth and defeating Adora. She thought that maybe, just one win, just one chance to feel more powerful, just one chance to take all her anger out and make them all see, she thought that it would make her feel better. 

She wondered what could've been if she'd just listened, at Thaymor, in the Crystal Castle, the Northern Reach, the Crimson Waste, there were so many times she could've changed her mind and made a better life. But now, they were all gone, and she had no one left to blame but herself. She wished to live in such a world, where she could fight alongside Adora, where she could spend every minute of every day with her, she imagined if they were on the same side, if they defected together, if they were finally at peace. 

She spent so long thinking about it that she didn't notice the sun begin to rise or the noise of a vehicle parking in the Bright Moon grounds. 

It was only a few minutes later that Bow walked in.

''Hey...so we're back from Beast island'' he talked to her as if she'd care. ''And we found Entrapta''

''How's she doing?'' Catra asked without thinking. She didn't know why she cared about Entrapta's condition but she did, she couldn't bear for someone else to die because of her mistakes.

''She's doing great!'' Bow smiled as if he was relieved ''She made it out unscathed and she's about t-'' He stopped himself. The truth was that they'd gone to find Entrapta to ask her about the Portal and if Adora still had a chance. Angella wanted to make sure it was kept a secret, especially from the enemy, and Glimmer was no different, he saw the guilt swimming in Catra's eyes, but he didn't dare to tell her. ''She's resting in another spare room right now, but she should be up and running soon''

''Bow!'' Glimmer ran into the room and hugged him, it was the happiest he'd seen her in weeks.

''How'd it go?'' he asked her as she giggled happily

''It went awesome, i can't believe we're finally a family again!'' Bow was hugging her closer as she seemed overjoyed. Catra decided to ignore them as they laughed. ''I haven't seen mom this hopeful in ages, she says if we can get dad back then maybe...'' Her expression changed as she saw that Catra was there too.

''Bow, we're gonna need to talk to Entrapta soon, i'm gonna spend more time with my dad, tell me when you're ready'' she quickly left the room

Catra didn't know how she could be so happy at a time like this. It reaffirmed her idea that these rebellion people didn't know Adora like she did, otherwise they'd be grieving like her. ''What happened to Sparkles?''

''Oh, she found out her dad was on Beast Island the whole time, it's the first time she's had her family together in ages...i'm really happy for her'' To his surprise, Catra only chuckled a little.

''You guys will just find the next thing to be happy about and move on with your perfect little lives'' She felt spiteful as she saw Glimmer acting the way she was, she thought Glimmer and Adora were close, but she seemed to be happy in a world where Adora was gone. Catra knew she was no one to talk, but seeing the people Adora loved move on so easily angered her. 

Bow seemed confused ''What do you mean?''

Catra spoke angrily ''I almost believed that you guys were close to her, that you felt the same way i did, but you two moved on like she was never there in the first place'' She had a few tears in her eyes as she talked, letting her own grief out as she scolded him.

Blow tried to keep calm ''Catra, of course we feel the same the only reason we went to Beast Island in the first place was-''

''No you don't!'' Catra yelled at him from within her cell ''You don't feel the same, If you did, you would've killed me! You wouldn't have moved on like you are now!''

Bow seemed more hurt as she stared him down, a feral look in her eyes ''Catra...she was our friend too...''

Catra wanted to rip him apart for even suggesting that ''THEN YOU DIDN'T LOVE HER LIKE I DID!''

Bow was shocked at her words. Catra shrunk back as she realized what she'd said, who was she to talk about love? She was the one who had killed Adora by pulling that lever. She was the one who had let her fall in the castle. She had injured, and scarred Adora so many times, that's not something one would do to someone they love. She retreated into the corner again as Bow looked away.

''Catra, i'm sorry'' It was all he could say to her before he left the room, he needed to keep calm, he needed to be good to her, she was grieving, she was hurting, and Adora would've wanted him to help. He could hear Catra choke out a sob as he closed the door and headed to Glimmer's room.

''Ready to see Entrapta?'' he asked as he opened the door

Glimmer sighed as she smiled at him, still coming down from the emotional high of reuniting her family ''yeah, let's go''

''Hey Entrapta'' Bow greeted as he entered the room, followed by Glimmer ''We were wondering, since you're well rested and all if you could maybe help us figure out the porta-WHAT ARE YOU DOING''

Entrapta already had tons of First Ones tech on her with multiple machines set up and her work mask on ''Oh, hi Bow, glad you guys are doing better, I got some First Ones tech from the island, hope you don't mind. Oh and you have to see this'' She looked like she hadn't slept a wink.

Glimmer decided she was going to take this matter into her own hands. She had to know, she had to see if Adora had a chance like her mother said. ''Entrapta, look, we need to talk about the portal, is there anyway Adora-'' Entrapta grabbed her with her hair and pulled her to face the screen

''Fascinating'' she muttered, it was like she expected Glimmer to just understand what she was seeing.

''Entrapta, listen, Ador-'' Bow started before seeing Entrapta pulling out her recorder

''Bright Moon Log, Day One, Portal experiment appears to be a success, data analysis saved from incident indicates existence of worlds between worlds. My machines are constantly picking up annomalies suggesting the presence of-'' Glimmer freed herself and confronted Entrapta again.

''Listen, Entrapta, we need to know if Adora is-''

''Still alive? the data suggests she is but we can't know for sure, i really should've taken more readings before the portal took me, i seem to have encountered a world within the portal, it's the only thing that can account for everything I've been seeing, that and a magical imbalance in the planet which is preventing me from opening it again. There's an obvious presence in this area that seems to be disrupting my readings if i could just-''

''Wait, wait, wait, wait, Adora's still here?'' Bow couldn't believe what he was hearing, he looked to the side to see Glimmer in complete shock, tears forming in her eyes as she registered the news

''well, she's not here, but she isn't there either, it's like shes here, there and nowhere, and she's been disrupting my readings to get me to notice her, or it's been happening entirely on its own since her existence here shouldn't entirely be possible. But she does exist and she can come back, Imagine all the data she'd have!''

Bow and Glimmer paused for a second before hugging each other as relief washed over them, she had a chance, she was going to be okay. ''Entrapta, how do we get her out?'' Glimmer asked hopefully

''Well, i'd have to account for everything that happened last time, it's most likely because of the planetary imbalance, that creating another portal could prove a massive issue and undo the very fabric of space and time so i'll have to check the odds. Meanwhile, i could definitely rig up a machine that would allow me to transit energy waves and hopefully get a message but i'm gonna need to use some First Ones tech for that''

''You can do that?'' Bow asked, amazed

''Well if my hypothesis is correct and the dimensional wavelengths of'' She stopped as the two stared at her, clearly not understanding a thing. ''I need some time and tech to build a machine that is sensitive to the presence in the Portal and can allow us to find out if it's Adora'' she explained loudly

''Entrapta! That's great!'' Glimmer went over to hug her ''Just keep working on it while we figure out this magical balance thing, maybe mom knows a little about it''

''Can do! Just get me some tiny food later on'' Entrapta gave a determined smile as she started work again. 

Both Bow and Glimmer let out sighs of relief as they went to finally get some rest

It had been a long day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK BOIS  
> I didn't really have inspiration for this story for awhile and i kept getting new ideas so i decided i'd only update when i felt like it. I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> My other story is wrapping up with some angsty fluff so i needed something to go full angst on.   
> Any comments on this one are highly appreciated


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